Breaking up may be hard, but the getting over is the most complicated part. What’s that I say? Splitting with a partner may be tough. Whether it’s finding the words to say to end things gently, blurting it out in a fit of rage and passion, or being on the suck end as a dumpee, none are pretty. But once the sentiments materialize into words, the deal is sealed and the declaration non-retractable. It is time to move on—the sooner, the better. It is after the showdown that the finality sinks in. The adrenaline of the moment drains, and all that remains is the deafening silence of the single life—that is unless one had a side piece the entire time which probably is the cause for the breakup in the first place. Oh, never mind. Anyway… Sure, it’s okay to be sad and heartbroken for a while, but moping around for weeks is pointless and will only serve to make matters worse.
Friends and family will offer the common solutions, and some of those are the more practical suggestions that the sane part of the newly singled already knows but does not want to hear. So, let’s get those out of the way first.
- Develop a new hobby (If you develop a new hobby, ensure that it’s something that you enjoy. Otherwise, signing up for anything may introduce another source of misery in your life.)
- Make new friends
- Go on a blind date (or any date)
- Join a dating website
- Go out with friends
- Go for walks and get lots of fresh air
- Retail therapy (This is actually a really good one, ladies. Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday all rolled into one.)
- Get a new haircut/makeup (Hold up on this one. Making rash beauty decision in times of crises can lead to horrific results. Just saying.)
- Declutter and get rid of his/her photos and belongings (Just be sure not to toss the good stuff. Why toss off your favorite bottle of perfume/cologne or cut up your best shirt because your ex purchased it? If you want to, fine, but there is no rule that says you have to. You can continue to enjoy any positives that stemmed from the relationship. You may even want to keep some photo of the two as long as they are stashed deep, deep, deep in a closet. At some point in the future, you may want to reflect on some of the more positive times together.)
- Don’t have contact with the ex (No text, phone calls, chatting, stalking on social media, or booty calls)
- No ex booty calls (This deserves a line to itself.)
- No listening to depressing music (This will eliminate listening to most ballads. Sorry.)
- No watching the Hallmark Channel
- Go on a vacation
- Take up exercising
- Have a stiff drink or get smashed for the night (Just be sure to hand your phone over first. Drunk texting isn’t cute and will make a crapbowl even crappier.)
So after all of that, what’s left to do? Well, the important stuff. You is good. You is kind. You do this.
- Remind yourself you’re a good person despite your flaws and are worthy of being loved. You were a person of value before and during the relationship. You remain one after. Focus on your positive attributes and traits. Each morning, look in the mirror and say something positive aloud about yourself. You not only need to say the words, but you also need to hear them. Pep talking yourself will help rebuild or regain any self-esteem you may have lost.
- Remember that romantic love isn’t the only type of love that is valid or matters. Love from family is equally as important.
- Remind yourself that your ex dumped you because he/she has a small medulla oblongata, and it’s only a matter of time before someone else shows you their boobies. In other words, your ex was perfect. He/she made mistakes just like you. Each of you used a small piece of your mind to make poor decisions that lead to the denigration of a relationship. At the end of the day, it’s irrelevant who is at fault or who did what. It’s over. There will be others, and you will have learned and grown from the experience.
- One can not appreciate happiness without experiencing grief. The sadness from the split will subside, and when it does, there will be a renewed gratitude for joy. You will recognize blessings you’d forgotten or overlooked. So, give your sorrow and dejection an expiration date. Grant yourself no longer than a week to lie around in that dingy bathrobe and eat a tub of Neapolitan with crumbled potato chips sprinkles.
- Here’s a big one, especially if you’re the dumpee. Your ex has likely moved on. Accept it. You stagnating in memories is neither hindering his/her happiness or causing him/her to be equally as emotionally paralyzed. For example, opting not to attend a party you’ve been happily anticipating due to the possibility of the ex being there only later to learn after missing the part that he/she is on vacation in Hawaii with his/her new boo. So, you missed the party because you stocked too much effort in focusing on your ex instead of your happiness. No. Wear your best dress, slip into your most comfortable shoes, and call an UBER to get your butt to that party. Go. Have fun.
- Most couples go their separate ways due to one or both realizing something is wrong or missing in the relationship that is beyond repair. Why would anyone want to remain in a situation that is unhealthy or that whose partner is seeking escape? Would you want to be force someone to stay with you? If the roles were reversed, would you want to be forced to stay with someone? Be honest and realistic with yourself. A person cannot change how another person feels about him/her. One may try to influence an outcome, but any emotions come from with a person.
- Do talk about the breakup with someone you trust but use caution in what is said. Having a strong shoulder of a loved one to lean on during this time can ease the pain of getting through the situation. However, if there is any possibility of a reconciliation in the future, know that you will have spilled the worst aspects of your ex to family and friends. They will hold the hurt against him. And while you later may forgive, they may not. But talking helps because the feedback offered may be objective.
- Taking talking a step further, if there has been lots of trauma and drama in the relationship, consider talking to a professional. There is no shame in getting the help that one needs. Not getting help is the problem.
- Don’t waste time daydreaming or plotting revenge. It’s too much effort. That time and energy can be better spent on you.
- Be civil to those around you, even your ex. There are so many clichés that are appropriate here. Fake it until you make it. Kill them with kindness. Be the bigger person. Yes, all of those things you likely don’t want to do is exactly what you should. Listen, the relationship is over. There’s no reason to be a monster and make everyone else’s life hell. Karma is an entrepreneur. It doesn’t require a partner, sponsor, or facilitator to get the job done. And when karma comes a knocking, it will do more than you ever could. So, chill. You be you and do your own thing.
Don’t forget to visit Creole Bayou again. New posts are made on Wednesdays. Furthermore, my special series on Greek life, sororities, and everything parents or students wanting to join a sorority (or fraternity) should know is posted each Monday. If you have any questions or suggestions about this post or any others, feel free to comment below or tweet me at @dolynesaidso. You also can follow me on Instagram at genevivechambleeauthor or search me on Goodreads or Amazon Authors.
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