Almost a year ago, I wrote a post defining what a crush was and how they weren’t something only adolescents experience. I thought it was a one and done thing until it came up again during a conversation. In that post, there wasn’t much in the way of how to get rid of a crush once it has formed. So, here are some tips
- Stave it off from the beginning. I believe in being proactive instead of reactive. If you follow my blog, you know that I have stated this multiple times. So, if you find yourself in a position of forming a crush, ask yourself why that is. Are you bored? Do you feel that you are lacking something in your life?
- He/she has a significant other. This works on a couple of different levels. Let’s unpack some of these reasons. Although these are some of the most popular explanations, they are not exhaustive.
- He/she already has invested his/her time in someone else. This person would not (or should not—and we’ll get to this later in a bit) have any interest in you. That right there should be enough to squash any feelings one may develop. The reason crushes feel so bad, is because many times the person who is being crushed on does not reciprocate the feeling. You’re worthy of interest and love. Don’t devalue yourself and waste time when there is someone else out there waiting to be found and who will return your interest.
- If you value relationships on any level, why would you entertain wanting to get involved with someone who is already taken? Consider this, would you want someone cheating on you? Would you want another person interfering or attempting to sabotage your relationship? What does the word relationship mean to you? Do you only respect yours and not that of other people? When you realize your crush is involved with someone, step back and consider that looking is one way or a first step in potentially interfering in someone else’s relationship.
- Now, flip the coin. In #3, the focus was on how the person with the crush defines and regards relationships. However, this focuses on how the crushee defines or regards relationships. If this person has a wandering eye in one relationship, it’s very likely he/she will continue that behavior. There is a psychological principle that states a good indicator of future behavior is past behavior. Even if the person does not leave (and most times the person doesn’t) his/her relationship with the relationship, do you want the person in his/her mind thinking about someone else considerably and not having those thoughts about you? There’s another hypothesis that cheating/infidelity starts in the mind. Many people think and fantasy about another person prior to engaging in an indiscretion at some point. The build-up becomes so great that the person eventually acts on it, and boom, at the situation is at hand.
- Remember that that commandment that states “Thy shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife?” Well, that applies to husbands, too. And if generalized, it could be extended to cover boyfriends/girlfriends and fiancés. This one will likely only be relatable to persons who are religious or spiritual.
- Most crushes are harmless. However, sometimes they can turn awkward or downright creepy. Sometimes, in movies what is portrayed as harmless crush borders on being stalkerish. Take for example the movie Love Actually. Now, let me be completely transparent and say that I enjoy this movie immensely, and it is one of my holiday favorites/staples. It always brings a laugh. However, when Mark (Andrew Lincoln) is revealed to focus filming the wedding video solely on Juliet’s (Keira Knightly) who is marrying his BFF, Peter (Chiwetel Ejiofor), and later shows up on her doorstep to serenade her with pre-taped music and poster board signs, this is supposed to be seen as romantic. But think about this if it happened in the real world. First, what kind of friend is Mark to hit on his BFF’s new bride. But most important to learn that for months someone has been repeatedly watching a video of you. It makes one wonder how many other pictures he has taken and has stuck up in his room. Put this side by side with an episode of Criminal Minds, and minus some type of weapon there isn’t much of a difference. So, yeah, the person who is the object of the crush may feel weirded out if he/she learns of the crush and want to distance himself/herself from the person who has the crush.
- Continuing along those same lines, ask yourself how important this crush is to you. If it’s some Hollywood superstar you’re never going to meet, you’re good—unless the crush turns into an obsession that gets in the way of other activities. If this is a person the person has a crush and the crush finds out, then it may damage the relationship in a way that it may not can be repaired. Considering how one values the person she has a crush on may encourage the person who has the crush to squash those feelings to preserve the friendship or existing relationship.
- It was mentioned that not having other activities could be problematic, and it is because it could prolong the crush. A person who fills their day with activities and stimulation may find that they do no have time to develop crushes on anyone.
- Is the crush who the crusher thinks that person is? Or is the crush an ideal version of the person. Here’s a true story a friend told me years ago. One afternoon, she received a call from a wrong number. It was innocent enough—just some inadvertent numbers pressed, and the man who had accidentally called her apologized. She told him not a problem; but as she was about to hang up, he asked her not to. He confessed that he liked her voice. As odd as this was, my friend went with it, not divulging any personal information about herself. They talked for hours, and he called about the next night. This went on for about a week or more until she was comfortable meeting him. By then, they had gotten to know each other, as well as two people, can get to know each other without a face-to-face meeting. She put safety measures in place and finally met him. After meeting her, he wasn’t interested in her at all. The voice did not match the image he had formed of her in his head. The relationship (or whatever one wants to call it) was dead in the water from that instant. My friend was crushed. She had to be reminded that she hadn’t put herself on that pedestal; he had. Had they been in a bar, he may not have struck up a conversation with her. A person may develop a crush without knowing much about the person and assume the person has likable traits. This makes it very easy for that person to be disappointing or fall from grace. So before emotionally get tangled in a crush, take a few minutes to figure out who this person really is.
By now, I’m sure there are some people who are saying to themselves that I’m being overdramatic with these tips because a crush is nothing more than a shallow admiration from afar. And for some people that is all it is, and it does not interfere with the person’s life. And if you’re wondering how could a crush interferes with a person’s life, I have two examples. First, a co-worker became so caught up in a crush who also was another coworker, she could barely focus on work. She became nervous and anxious anytime the person wasn’t around. Her behavior noticeable changed. It wasn’t a good look on her. A second is a friend who developed a TikTok crush. It was so much that she spent hours watching videos made by this person (and even sending money to their cash app) instead of occupying her time with other vital/important activities (e.g., cleaning, meeting deadlines for her job, driving without looking at her phone). So, it’s important that a person maintains perspective and fills his/her life with activities that do not involve the crush. Remember, a person may not control how he/she feels. However, that person can control how he/she responds/behaves.
Don’t forget to pick up a copy of my new steamy, sports romance, Ice Gladiators, guaranteed to melt the ice. It’s the third book in my Locker Room Love series. Available at https://amzn.to/2TGFsyD or www.books2read.com/icegladiators.
Taz has problems: a stalled career, a coach threatening to destroy him, a meddling matchmaking roommate, and a thing for his other roommate’s boyfriend. The first three are manageable, but the last… well, that’s complicated. Because as much as Taz is attempting not to notice Liam, Liam is noticing him.
Missed the two books in my sports romance series? No frets. Out of the Penalty Box, where it’s one minute in the box or a lifetime, out is available at http://amzn.to/2Bhnngw. It also can be ordered on iTunes, Nook, or Kobo. Visit www.books2read.com/penalty. Defending the Net can be ordered at https://amzn.to/2N7fj8q or www.books2read.com/defending. Crossing the line could cost the game.
Life’s Roux: Wrong Doors, my steamy romantic comedy about what could go wrong on vacation, is available at Red Sage Publishing. To order, follow the link to http://bit.ly/2CtE7Ez or to Amazon at http://amzn.to/2lCQXpt.
For more of my stories, shenanigans, giveaways, and more, check out my blog, Creole Bayou, www.genevivechambleeconnect.wordpress.com. New posts are made on Wednesdays, and everything is raw and unscathed. Climb on in a pirogue and join me on the bayou. If you have any questions or suggestions about this post or any others, feel free to comment below or tweet me at @dolynesaidso. You also can follow me on Instagram at genevivechambleeauthor or search me on Goodreads or Amazon Authors.
Until next time, happy reading and much romance.